The 12 days of the Durban climate bash proved to be the political damp squib widely predicted. Pre-summit statements from major economies – the United States, India, China and Brazil – all dumping on the Kyoto agenda saw to that. However, whilst will take political elites time to realise it, the climate alarmist goose has been clearly been stuffed and cooked.

Global CO2 emissions have recently hit an all-time high. While the climate modellers have done their level best to make it appear that global temperatures have risen, the fact is that they haven’t for almost a decade and a half. The release of a further 5,000 reputation-junking e-mails (with, allegedly, another 220,000 still unreleased) only added to the pall of deep depression that settled over the array of delegates desperate to keep alive the golden goose of public cash which keep them in business.

In truth, the run up to the conference was strewn with alarmist ‘own goals’. In November BBC programmers were exposed for selling news slots to green campaigners, especially via the BBC World international channel. The BBC’s flagship Frozen Planet series too was sold overseas with a ‘take-it-or-leave it’ choice over whether the package should include its final doom-laden climate change episode. Former UK Lord Chancellor Nigel Lawson accused writer and presenter David Attenborough of gross “sensationalism” referring, among a litany of other things, to the broadcaster’s focus on an Arctic ice melt without referring and explaining why the ice on Antarctica is expanding.

Most damaging of all, the week before the summit it was revealed that an upcoming UN IPCC report due in February would state “climate change signals are expected to be relatively small compared to natural climate variability”; for “natural variability” read “we haven’t a clue what the climate will do”. Climate Bible heresy. And things only got worse when Britain’s Prince Phillip blew forth that “wind farms are useless, dismissing “fairy-tale” green energy.

We also learned that where green jobs had demonstrably failed to appear, the shale gas phenomenon in the United States was now supporting 600,000 new jobs. Also, the boom in U.S. shale oil is expanding faster than anyone predicted with yet another huge discovery recently in Colorado. These developments augur well not only for the general reshaping of the global energy map, but in terms of massively boosting economic recovery and jobs. It’s enough to ‘peak’ anti-oil and gas proponents.

Then, just as Durban-bound climate jetters were packing their suntan lotion, a new report by insurance giant Allianz warned how the “volatile” nature of wind and solar as sources of power creating “grid instabilities” are likely to cause “catastrophic” blackouts with multi-billion dollar consequences.

Of course, bureaucrats, by definition, are paid by the state. They are largely inured to the energy realities that directly affect the rest of us, so little of this would have penetrated with Plant Gore-ists. That’s why they can jet long haul while it is immoral for us to drive to the mall when we can catch a hydrogen-powered bus, or spare 16 hours to re-charge our electric Chevy Volt (that is, if it hasn’t caught fire yet).

Let’s face it, against such a backdrop of rank bad news, and with the Eurozone doing its best to sink the SS Global Economy, Doomsville Durban was set to register little seasonal cheer for those dreaming of a Green Christmas.

So in a spirit of climate change bonhommie I have adapted (okay, I know its desperate) a little post-Durban Christmas ditty to ‘summit’ up, so to speak:

On the first day of Doomsville, alarmists gave to me...

12 Days in Durban

11 Journos hyping

10 Temps-not-Leaping

9 Mann’s-a-Dancing

8 Economies-busting

7 Seas-not-rising

6 Carbon-phobias

5 thousand e-mailed things!

4 Absurd reports

3 Skeptic ‘birds’

2 Climate-gates

And a message entirely fact-free!

I warned you it was desperate. Yet my drafting of it does have a serious point. Ridiculing with wit refocuses minds on the ludicrousness of a position, forcing a review of the actual facts. Lampooning with wit has the virtue of turning up the intellectual heat.

As the old adage has it, “People don’t change when they see the light, they change when they feel the heat.”